Northside Mum

The Ism’s – coming to get you one way or another..

2010-07-27T14:25:00.001-07:00

As a somewhat detached kind of Catholic (given that a la carte is a phrase which suggests a certain level of commitment); I was still quite shocked the day after a communion of for the father of one of the fresh communicants to say;

“Well we are just going through the motions for now. He will probably decide it’s a load of rubbish himself when he’s older”.

It just seemed to be such a hypocritical thing to say? Especially since we were still eating leftover cake from the large family party we had just had to celebrate.

And it kind of annoyed me. If you do think it is a total load of rubbish, then why go through it? Why have everyone dress up, troop to the church, make a fuss of the child and have a big party? What does that say about you? That you would masquerade for a day and teach your child something you don’t believe in? Give me atheism or fanaticism any day over that level of cynicism. At least those other two have thought about their choices.

Having a child has forced me to think of religion in new terms. As Irish Society redefines its relationship with the church it seems to me that there has been a wholesale chucking of the baby out with the bath water. Although I am hardly Mother Theresa neither am I convinced that it is entirely the right thing to do.

For Catholicism, with all its massive failing still provides some basic tenets to live by. If none other (and I am not even sure this is in the bible!”)

“There, but for the grace of God, go I”.
When my children are older and walking past a homeless person on the street I don’t want them to think; “Oh he’s a loser with a capital L.” a la Paris Hilton. I want them to think “There, but for the grace of God go I” and act accordingly with compassion and respect.

Ireland is an increasingly secular society and in many ways this is a good thing- it is right and proper not to have the church involved in government, hospitals etc.. . But as we remove all Catholicism from our daily lives I wonder what else is going to fill that vacuum? Consumerism? Narcissism? Neither of these seem like an adequate replacement. Or the building blocks of a caring society.

As much as I rail against the Catholic church (and there is so much to rail about), the thought of bringing children up without belief frightens me. Not only because it suggests a society lacking direction but also from their own perspective.

If my children are ever clinging on to the side of a rock for dear life be that either literally or figuratively. I want them to have something to believe in; something bigger then themselves. I never wish them to feel alone; I want them to call on God to help them, to pray for help if need be and by praying to hang on longer then they might have thought humanly possible. I always wish them to have that comfort. How I can impart a faith I am not sure I have myself I am not clear. But I think I am going to try. Or then decide that I really cant. But either way am going to try very hard not to be a hypocrite.

Oi Parents! Leave those kids alone..

2010-07-21T12:46:00.000-07:00

We are holidaying at the moment in one of the most child friendly places imaginable. The upshot of this is that we are surrounded by families just like ourselves; everyone seems to have at least two small children in tow and being faced with these mirror images of us at every corner has been a little unsettling. .

Apparently every family treats their child as if they are the centre of the universe. Of course, ours really are the centre of the universe but these other families seem to think theirs are pretty special too. Everyone talks to their children non stop in a raised, half public kind of way. And nearly everyone hovers over their children as if their lives depend on it.

Yesterday there were so many parents standing over the sandpit I thought an accident had happened. Instead as I got closer I realised that they were all just minding their own child albeit “minding” in a constant issuing of instruction kind of way somewhat akin to an officer directing traffic in mid-town Manhattan;

“ Oliver, what are you doing? Oliver mind that little girl, Oliver stand over there. Oliver, Oliver move away, Ollie come back here right now!”

It was incessant; a constant firing of instructions that would make an astronaut dizzy.

Today at the pool was no better, everyone was all over their kids like a rash. In the changing rooms;

“ Jacob, stand back. Jacob, stand back. Jacob move away from that, What did I say? I said move away!”

Now in fairness I could only hear these goingson from the din of my own cubicle but given that it was a swimming changing room and not a nuclear facility the chances are that whatever Jacob was doing was not all that life threatening.

And yet his father could not leave him alone. He was at him the whole time. As were all the other parents, as were we ourselves!

What is this, the requirement for constant commentary? I am pretty sure my parents didn’t do this when we were growing up. We were probably all the better for being ignored a little. Come to think of it I couldn’t think of anything worse then someone giving me a running commentary on my day;

“Northside Mum, put down the wine glass, move it to the left. You are going to spill it. I am telling you put it down. Move it to the left. Move it to the left now or go to your room. Now, look what you’ve done!”

So if we don’t do it for the kids, and I think its fair enough to say they probably tuned us out a long time ago then who do we do it for? Is it to make sure everyone knows what good parents we are? Is it to validate ourselves and our parenting choices? Look how involved I am – I must be good at this parenting game. For what ever reason maybe it is time we all took a break and backed off a little, just gave them a little space to breathe. Chances are they would definitely enjoy it.

The Big Move Part 2

2010-06-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

Well it was the funniest thing. There I was up to ninety, ready for the roaring to break out at any minute. When my little pixie, took one look at her room, her lovely new cushions, dolls house and unicorn teddy, decided she loved it and snuggled into bed. Ok, confession here - I did bottle it on the giving up breastfeeding front.. It was all going to well, she was literally cooing at her new bedspread and she was soo tired, I knew just a little feed and she would fast asleep and dreaming sweet dreams in her own bed - and thats exactly what she did. Looking back it was so obvious all along that she was ready for it, it was just Mommy who had the "issues". So in a way the whole thing was an anti-climax. The whole weekend had been built around an assumption of sleep deprivation and crying and in the end, it was sweetness and light. You could have knocked me over with a feather!

So Pixie has made the move- and in a strange way we all seem to have moved on. In the last 10 days, I have been out for dinner - twice, seen a film (Sex and the City 2- actually quite funny if you dont take it seriously)and read two books. I literally have not had time like that in almost four years... We no longer seem to be utterly over whelmed and consumed by nap times/ calpol and sleepless nights. And it is such a relief.. I almost found myself wondering what my next project could be - first thought which popped into my head?? Why another baby of course! Think I'll leave that one for another while... there must be something less expensive and time consuming I can come up with first :)

The Lactation Consultant

2010-06-04T11:25:00.000-07:00

Well we have had the lactation consultant over for a visit...my childless sister thinks I make these people but of course you know it is all too real!
With a somewhat heavy heart have decided it is time to start weaning Pixie, what with her walking and talking an all think our time is up :) And am afraid that also means it is time to leave mammy and daddys bed (my heart sinks just typing it).. She is 16 months old tomorrow and if we dont do it now think she'll be in there till early adolescence at least. To be honest am sure if I wasnt working I would have done it much earlier but it definetly made the transition easier from me getting all those good cuddles during the night.
And really it is time, for a while there I hung on to the hope that she would "self wean" but that urban myth never came within an asses roar of happening.
So tonight (and the next night and the night after that) are going to be tough in the Northside house...The plan is to feed her downstairs, then give her a warm bath, pop her in her bed and wait for all hell to break loose :) I am planning on staying in the room with her but not feeding her to sleep (which is our current routine).
We have done up her room with lovely lights and a bedspread with pink poks dots and butterfly cushions but am sure it will all be for nought. Eldest even demostrated how to use her bed for her this evening. He snuggled in and put the blanket over him - she thought it was hillarious.
Am going to try and be strong - this is for the best. If I keep her "my baby" much longer I will only do her a disservice by infantilising her (is that a word??)
And part of me does think how lovely it would be to go to bed, sit up and read a book for 20 mins and sleep without worrying about waking the baby.
Wish us luck - you may hear the screams from your house!

Falling out of love...

2010-05-30T13:23:00.000-07:00

The weirdest thing has happened recently.. I seem to be falling out of love. It started in little ways over a long period of time; minor irritations, a general lack of patience and now just outright contempt. I never thought I would ever write these words but I seem to have fallen out of love with shopping??
I am not quite sure how this happened, shopping and I go back such a long time together. It used to be one of my favourite things to do, hours were devoted to it, trips planned around it - tons of money spent on it - an now nothing. I would rather stick pins in my eyes.
Like most changes in my life, I blame the arrival of my children. The belly bulge which resists all weight watchers attempts is part of my disenchantment but it also seems to come down to time. I have time to work and time to be with the kids. Anything else which can be carved out of that is precious -- I have a chance to go for a run, do bikram, read a book, write a little here and there and increasingly any of that time spent wandering around marks and spencers wondering if that dress is something my mother would wear or is instead a canny classic buy seems a colossal waste of time. It just all seems like so much stuff, piled on more stuff when I have so much stuff already??
That said I have not quite fallen out of love with fashion or (trying) to look good so all though I no longer have space in my brain to keep up with it all myself I enjoy chats with those who can and are willing to help. I no longer pretend I have a clue and it is such a relief. I had a good chat with an online "style advisor" on tedbaker.com recently and it went quite well - best bit it took all of 10 mins and there is a nice jacket winding its way over to me from the UK. Am quite excitedly tracking its progress on DHL at the moment, it seems to have such an interesting life. It was in Heathrow yesterday, the east midlands this afternoon - am hoping it will be in Dublin tomorrow but who knows?
Its quite shocking this falling out of love with shopping thing; am not sure what is next- developing an aversion to nice meals out? A rash when going to luxury boutique hotels? Refusing point when blank brad pitt wants to bed me?? Unlikely I know sure brad and I go way back ;)

neglect

2010-05-12T13:24:00.000-07:00

my poor poor neglected blog. But the way I see it, it is better to have a neglected blog then neglected children or a neglected husband, neglected work and even a neglected house!
Hard to keep it all going and when times get tough and sleep deprivation is a constant friend then the blog goes by the wayside. I have missed it though and missed everyone out there in blogging land and seeing how everyone is doing.
Am going to try and carve out a bit more me-time..think the trick must be turning off the tv and letting the dishes rot in the sink. It wont be pretty but it should be a damn site more interesting.

Slicing and Dicing

2010-02-24T12:07:00.000-08:00

So last night I was up in bed slicing and dicing the figures. I have to confess that laying awake at night worrying about money and how far it will stretch is a relative new phenomenon for me. However our family income is down a whopping 60% - possible even 65% since December and so now late at night I find myself doing excel calculations in my head.

I have to say I resent ending up in this place. I studied hard, worked hard and did all the “right” things. As a dedicated spender, money went out the door fairly quickly but then there was always a bonus payout or a pay rise to absorb the costs. And I assumed it would always be this way that we were on a middle class trajectory where things only went “up”, not sideways, not down and definitely not out. I don’t think we are alone here. A friend of mine recounts with an embarrassed smile rolling up at the post office last week to pick up her dole money, Gucci sunglasses on her head and a sports car outside the door. But in fairness, what is she to do? I don’t think anyone saw this middle-class recession coming so hard and so fast. She could put the sunglasses on eBay but who wants the sports car?

We have been hit by DH losing his job, my 10% pay cut, the rise in PRSI ceiling and the new income levy. Out mortgage which was comfortable at 5 times our combined earnings is distinctly uncomfortable and panic inducing at 10/ 11 times my current take home pay. Granted some of that mortgage is on property which is rented out (thank god) but if we lost both sets of tenants we would be in hot water very quickly. Again we thought we were sensible Celtic cubs, investing in property but still maintaining a Loan to Value of 50%. Cue one almighty property crash later and a current LTV is more like 100% and creeping.

So now I do things I thought only “real” housewives did. I look at our budget and plan our weekly meals accordingly. Too many carrots, looks like they might go off? Carrot soup for the week. Wilting leeks? Chopped up to make leek risotto for the kids. We are cutting out meat and claiming to be eating healthier but really it is much cheaper. And to a certain extent I can do this. I will do this. We are not that badly off, I know people in Foxrock and Montenotte whose parents have to pay their mortgage. If this is the worst of the recession then we are keeping our heads above water and will manage just fine.

But there is a point where I draw the line. And that is I am not rearing my two beautiful children for export. If Ireland really does slide backwards into poverty, the bad old days of the 80s and I think there will be no future for them when they hit 18 then we will have to leave. Leave before they start school in two years time. Leave our beautiful home, family and friends and set up shop in London or Toronto or Sydney or wherever we think they can live a full and prosperous life. I don’t intend to Skype with my grandchildren in thirty years time.

But hopefully that day will never come, things will pick up and we will make it through with a bit more resilience then we thought we had. In the meantime though, for the foreseeable future I am going to be lying awake at night, slicing and dicing in my head.

Green Eyed Monster

2010-02-19T08:26:00.000-08:00

I would like to preface this post by saying that I rarely get jealous… I’ m a big believer in swings and roundabouts ; so when I see a friend living in a fabulous big house – I know they have sacrificed long hours at work to be able to afford it. Similarly friends who have little or no money, I realise that is often the price they pay for following creative careers or spending lots of time travelling.

So as far as I am concerned we all make our choices and live with them accordingly.

As for celebrities I pretty much NEVER feel jealous of them simply because
1. I don’t believe anything of what they say
2. If they are pictured in Hello looking all glossy and happy you just know they are about to break up any day now because someone is having weird sex with the nanny etc

Which is why it irks me slightly that I cant seem to get Minnie Drivers recent interview in “ A Day in the Life Of” out of my head http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/celebrity/article7023796.ece

… If only because if given a choice I think that is pretty much EXACTLY the kind of day I would chose for myself if I was able to shrug off this cube farm working mother existence I have instead.

So if that is my dream life and I then compare it with what I actually do, I have to say my own Day in the Life comes up quite a bit short…

Ok so first up -as soon as she and her little boy get up they have breakfast and go to the beach beside their home in North Malibu and play with the starfish and crabs. Now in fairness I too have a beach near me, it is called Dollymount, at the moment it is bitingly cold, strewn with rubbish and when I look out into the far distance yonder I don’t think “ Ah look at that beautiful ocean, isn’t nature amazing” . I tend to think “hmm… Sellafield, only 100 miles away, wonder which way the wind is blowing today?”

As a consequence I don’t go there much.

For lunch they have fish tacos from a nearby stall – well I love fish tacos. But unfortunately for me my lunch tends to be leftovers from last night (is anyone else sick of all this recession busting malarkey? I know I am) eaten in front of my laptop so I can finish 30 mins early to leg it home to the kids..

She also practices yoga 4/ 5 times a week. Can I just say that again- 4/5 times a week?? That is practically a full time job! I get to bikram once every two weeks and when I get there I practically throw up from the exertion of it all as I am so out of practice. She also tries to surf during the afternoon – now isn’t that lovely? I spend my afternoon analysing spreadsheets and trying to convince management not to outsource all our jobs to India. Surfing, never tried it but think I would much prefer it.

Finally, her little boy goes to bed at 7.15, and then they “usually go out locally to eat”… Last time we got out was a few weeks ago, Pixie woke up roaring and we had to literally run home from the restaurant as the babysitter thought she was going to have a fit. Have not had the courage to venture out since.

So for me once the kids are in bed (closer to 9) it is my time to clean the kitchen, sort laundry, organise lunches for the following day and generally some time around 10.30 collapse on the couch. At which stage the cats start looking for attention and love. They generally get ignored.

But the best bit is “My bed is my sacred place. I never have Henry in my bed at night. I always wanted to maintain that sanctuary, as I think his bed should be for him. I’m quite big on sleep, because I know you just operate much better with lots of it s”

Gosh Minnie, isn’t that the truth?? Unfortunately for me however my Eldest is unaware of that theory and considers it his god given right to come into our bed and kick us round the head in order to get a nights sleep. And it goes without saying that the only way he can get that is by lying sideways in the bed so both of us are scrunched up the other side trying not to fall out as he flails his legs about. As for pixie she has been in the bed since she was born and I don’t see her leaving anytime soon. Most of the time she is just warm and cuddly but recently she has taken to waking in the middle of the night to do a spot of disco dancing. I look on with one eye closed just to make sure she doesn’t bang her head against the wall.

In fairness to her, Minnie was outlining a day in which she is not at work. That said I am not wholly convinced that the working day of a movie star is quite the equivalent of being down the salt mines.

And I hate to come across as bitter and twisted as I am happy in my lot in so much as I thrilled to have my two babies and my lovely husband. But please Minnie, could we do a life swap? Just for a day?

Top Tips for Busy Mammas!

2010-02-17T06:29:00.000-08:00

So I have to confess to dropping off the blogsphere for the last few weeks. I was feeling guilty about it but then I remembered that as an Irish, Catholic, working mother I am already suffused with so much guilt that if I took on anymore I would just end up keeling over on to the already manky looking floor and start babbling unintelligibly. Which is of no use to anyone and would just make the floor dirtier then it already is.

It did get me thinking though about how busy I am – and how best to manage it – so I have compiled a list of things which help me.

Top Tips for Busy Mamas

1. Do everything the night before. And by everything- I mean everything. Sometimes I think if I could have a bowl of porridge the night before and it would keep me the hunger pangs at bay then I would probably do that as well. Every evening I try to have my clothes laid out, both of the kids clothes laid out + nappies; all on the hall landing. In the kitchen I have the table set, the porridge soaking and all the bags packed for the morning. In my fantasy parallel universe I would also have the bread maker timed to have freshly baked bread wafting through the air as we come down in the morning but have never made it to those dizzying heights yet.

2. Plan the weekly shop/ weekly meals. Just means less stress and not running into a supermarket on the way home grabbing stuff. I have found this hard at the start but am now quite into it- Have also started shopping online and its great. Also even though there is a delivery charge I think I easily make this up by not being seduced by yummy croissants and breads etc as I walk in the door.

3. Marinade everything. Having two chicken breasts in the fridge under plastic staring at you is just depressing. I now try to marinade meat as soon as it comes in the door. So chicken at home marinading in yoghurt and garlic – that’s yummy! And it feels like something is half way to being prepared even whilst it sits in the fridge.

4. Cleaner. I know this is a luxury and really we have weekly conversations about not really being able to afford it anymore but I LOVE it. At least one day a week for at least 5 minutes, the house looks the way it is meant to and the taps actually shine. Bliss.

5. Dresses. Now that my figure post babies if more ah-hem “womanly” I find dresses hide a multitude. They also don’t require ironed white shirts or much ironing. In fact they are so handy and comfortable I don’t know why I didn’t ditch the trouser suit years ago.

So that’s my list- you may have noticed there is nothing about laundry on there and the reason is I am completely useless at it. In fact I would love some tips on how to deal with it! We are currently drowning under dirty clothes/ washed clothes but not dry/ dry clothes but not ironed/ ironed clothes which are not put away! Help! I just never feel like sorting it out and the piles just grow and grow..

And then when it all gets too much I just take a deep breath and remind myself that I am in the prime of my life and never will I be so needed by so many people again. One day I will be sitting in an old folks home and would love to have a child at my knee, another on my lap and be preparing the dinner whilst looking despairingly at the dirty laundry! Either that or the guilt will indeed have got to me and I will be found babbling unintelligibly in the corner.

As a family I think we need to be more German..

2010-01-12T04:54:00.001-08:00

Well here’s a line I never thought I’d say,

“As a family I think we need to be more German”.

Yes after one very horrible year living in the middle of the Ruhrgebiet I left Germany without looking back and with little love for the country. Over the course of the year I managed to acquire a taste for Potato rösti and Sekt but that’s about it.. At the time I was a single (ish) girl in my early twenties, working 60 hours a week and out drinking most nights. So the fact that everything- literally EVERYTHING closed in Germany on a Sunday used to drive me mad. I never had any food in the fridge and I would have loved have spent the day wandering around a nice shopping mall, my hung-over head being soothed by the muzak and the ring of shopping registers.

After a while I realised if you can’t beat them, join them and so a few of us used to wander around the nearby parks where I used to snort derisively every time I spotted an entire German clan cycling past. (And in fairness they did look a little dorky; mammy, daddy, 2. 4 kinder all cycling along)

But now, 10 years and mucho maturity later I reckon they were on to a good thing... Last weekend we spent literally all our time doing errands and in the shops. Now granted much of it was snow imposed; dealing with burst pipes and stocking up for a blizzard which never came etc.. but at the end of the weekend all I could think was what a waste? It was just an extension of work with no quality time (I know, I hate that phrase too) with the family.

So going forward we are really going to become much stricter and reserve Sunday just for the family. And that means no popping up to Tesco, going to Woodies, any of that rubbish. We are going to become more German, pretend everything is closed and have a family day instead.

Given the weather is still pretty dodgy the plan is to go here;

http://www.museum.ie/en/exhibition/the-dead-zoo-at-large.aspx

but am not sure if my animal loving two year old will love it or be freaked out?? I’ll keep you posted.

High Five Meme- Best of 2009

2010-01-09T14:11:00.000-08:00

High Five Meme!

Gosh, I've just been tagged! First time too, I feel like I've just been picked for the hockey team (and trust me that never happened, I was allergic to all sport in school). So thanks mum with carrot in her hair! http://weaningtales.blogspot.com/ and http://mumtalk.blogspot.com/ and http://foodiemummy.blogspot.com/!

Best things about 2009?
1. Number 1 is so easy - the birth of my little pixie girl. She was born on the 5th of February and I remember so clearly the journey to the hospital. I was crouched on all fours ( I was about 5cm dilated!) my neighbour who is a mid-wife (and a saint) was holding my hand and my husband was driving the car. It was about 4 in the morning and bizarrely for dublin it was snowing. It was so peaceful, the roads were empty and as we drove through city centre it just felt magical. Then there was the absolute shock of having a girl! For reasons too superstitous and silly to explain I was convinced I was only ever going to have boys. And when they pulled her out and announced she was a girl, it was one of the best moment of my life. I was on an absolute high and stayed there for weeks. The snow continued to fall so I couldn't have any visitors which suited us just fine, we cuddled up together for three days in the hospital and havent stopped cuddling since.
2. Shortly after the birth of Pixie we all went away to Italy to stay on a farm on the foot of the Dolomites. I remember all of us walking back from a restaurant one evening, full as tics after a delicous meal, slightly sloshed from the wine, the kids asleep in the buggy and the smell of wild garlic in the air and I just remember thinking we were the luckiest people alive. To have each other, two beautiful babies and be able to go on holiday to Italy. My next immediate thought was - now dont mess this up!
3. Being on maternity leave (for nearly a year) and spending all that time with Eldest and Pixie. Because I knew I was always going back to work and will probably always be working I just treated the time as precious. I so enjoyed it, walks in the park, feeding the ducks (to the extend I can no longer eat Crispy Duck in the Chinese!), gymboree - all of it. I never thought I would love it as much as I did and it will always be a special time for me.

4. OK this may be sad but this is also the year I discovered Bikram Yoga.. My family and friends say I have joined a cult so I dont want to rant too much.. but honestly it is one of the best things I have ever done. For some unknown reason sweating like a pig for 90 minutes in a variety of funny positions just makes you feel amazing. Honestly.

5. Writing and specifically starting this blog. I so enjoy being part of this little community and reading everyone's stories. I love the immediacy of it, I am getting quite addicted to my site-meter.. I always get a kick when I open it up, click on Locations and see that someone in Northumberland has read my blog. That is just so crazy to me- I have never been there and to be honest am not 100% sure where it is on the map - but that someone there accidentally tripped onto my blog and then perhaps stayed a little bit. That is just so cool.

So happy blogging everyone and here is another high 5!

http://www.marriedanirishfarmer.com/

http://thekingandeye.blogspot.com/

http://veryboredhousewife.blogspot.com/

http://worldofamummy.wordpress.com/

http://theprudentwoman.blogspot.com/

New Year, New Focus

2010-01-04T03:05:00.000-08:00

So I am sitting here in my cube, my gym bag packed at my feet and my home-made lunch stored in the office fridge. Needless to say I am sipping lentil soup (honestly- got a great recipe here- http://sugarandlard.com/?p=351) have a cash diary to hand and resolutions written. I may be broke, I may be half a stone overweight but at least I’m bang on trend and that’s something.

For the first time ever my resolutions have included the children. Namely, the Eldest boy has a resolution he is not yet aware of; to potty train him. We tried previously but with limited success. Think the problem is we went down the route of praising him and given that we constantly praise him for everything he does up to and including breathing this has pretty little impact. This time I am going to work with what’s really important to him – chocolate. I reckon if we give him a chocolate every time he uses the potty then he will be trained within a week.

My little pixie girl also has a resolution she is unaware of – eat more vegetables and less pasta. Her brother is a pasta addict and lets face it, it really is only sludge so am hoping to wean her off it early and on to potatoes instead like the good Irish mammy I aspire to be.

Somehow my husband managed to escape my beady eye which is practically unheard of but am sure I will think of something for him soon..

And for me? Well I had a think over Christmas and have decided on just the one – very simply to think of others. Since I got pregnant with Eldest three years ago we have just been very focussed on our own little unit.. And in fairness we have been in the throes of it, two difficult pregnancies, two beautiful babies and both of us working full time. But at a certain stage think we have to stop thinking just about us.. I am embarrassed to recount that when a friend asked me to pack bags for the Guide Dogs in a supermarket one Saturday I refused. At the time I was working five days a week and felt my weekends with my little boy were just too precious to spend a Saturday afternoon away from him. Similarly a couple of months ago I just had my two all packed up in the car (which had taken over an hour to achieve), they were quite cranky and we were running late for Gymboree.. a polish guy stopped me just down the lane and asked me did I have jump leads and could I help him with my car. And I really am ashamed to admit it I almost said no as I just didn’t want the hassle of it. Thankfully I copped on in time but it made me aware of how wrapped up in my own little life I was that I wouldn’t help someone on the street. And as for being late for gymboree?? It is only a makey upey music class for Gods sake, not a doctor’s appointment.

So this years resolution, is less about us, more about others. Me-time is one thing, selfishness is another.

Tie Dyed Mamma

2009-12-21T10:04:00.000-08:00

Becoming a mother there are certain things you discover about yourself. Like how much you need your sleep and why spaghetti and white jumpsuits don’t go. But some things are somewhat more unexpected. Like I definitely never thought I had any hippy tendencies..not even remotely, I like my shoes shined, my hair glossy and my shirts white and crisp. Yet here I am happily breastfeeding a 10 month old baby and seriously considering “extended toddler feeding”. Not to mention the co-sleeping and nope I don’t see that finishing up any time soon either.
In part I wonder is it because I cannot face up to the fact that this baby is rapidly becoming a toddler but I think it is more then that. After a day staring at my computer screen I physically crave my baby. It is a physical want that is strong and primeval. As soon as I get home all I want to do is smell and hold her..(and is there anything more divine then the smell of a freshly washed baby? If you could only bottle it). And feeding her and sleeping with her in the bed is just a way of extending that physical closeness. It also makes me feel less guilty about missing out on those hours during the day when we have all that cuddling to do at night. Sometimes we just lie in the bed snuggling up to each other and smiling, neither of us quite able to believe our good fortune.
And I don’t want that to end.. so I will ignore the horrified faces of our family as I continue to breastfeed and just smile at those who ask for the 100th time “when is she going into a cot?”.
This office girl is going tie dyed and hippy and lovin’ it. Namaste.

Days of Nothing-ness

2009-12-07T06:19:00.001-08:00

As I am staring down the barrel of going back to work after nearly a year off (and yes it is off- minding your own children is not the same as having a corporate soul sucking job and trying to juggle both); I have started to think of all the things I will miss. And I think what I will miss the most is those days when really nothing much has happened and the day has just been allowed unfold. Now that I will soon be back working full time, time with the children will become so much more precious, like an occasion, something which you have to the make the most out of and all the pressure that comes with that. Already it is happening; time is becoming so much more scheduled. This weekend I took my little boy into town with me to buy flowers at the flower market and see the Christmas lights. Yesterday we were all off at the Christmas fair. All nice things and enjoyable to do but definitely scheduled. When I think about how in years to come I would like my children to remember me as a mother I aspire to be nothing more then the wallpaper of their childhood. Not a lofty ambition I know, just to be a constant, reassuring presence in the background. That means no drama, no becoming a raging alcoholic or running off with the tennis coach (though that could be fun). I just want to be a loving and supportive presence and never cause them a moments worry or concern. Being at home we have had so much time together we could just take each other for granted. There were even the odd moments of peace when my little boy was engrossed in his dinosaurs, my baby was crawling happily on the floor, me having a cup of tea; just lots of nothing-ness which in the end adds up to a whole lot. And that is definitely what I will mist the most, all that lovely time together when the day just drifts away and you don’t even feel it going. I am so grateful to have had it but end of maternity leave? It feels like end of an era.

The Back to Work Horror Flick!

2009-12-01T01:52:00.000-08:00

Last week, I had my by now traditional “coming back to work after maternity leave” lunch with the boss. It was like walking through treacle. And not in a sickly sweet kind of way, more in a slow motion horror flick kind of way. The lights, the noise! It was blinding. The decisions- four different types of hot food when all I am used to for lunch is soup and crackers. I couldn’t take it all in. It was like they were speaking a different language, Opex, Capex, how about some helpex?
Part of the problem is I am off so long now (best part of a year) I cant actually remember what it is I used to do.
I know it involved lots of meetings, running around and getting stressed but I can’t remember about what exactly. I think for my first week back I will just have to maintain an air of serious reflection and hope people will assume it is some new found maturity on my part, when in fact I will just be sitting there furiously thinking “what are they talking about?? Who is that person?? What on earth are they doing?!?” I will also need to work on my language, the art of saying nothing whilst using snappy corporate language. Think will practise on the kids this week before I go back;
“Now children, going forward we will need to synergise our strategies vis a vis warm blooded mammals and instigate a near term plan of action which involves an integrated approach to pet avoidance. This programme will be consensus driven and require buy in from the entire stakeholder group”.
Also know as “Leave those bloody cats alone!”

Buon Appetito Baby!

2009-11-15T14:41:00.000-08:00

Just found a website I love- it's called chowmama, http://www.chowmama.com/

and it has the most delicious recipes for little ones AND for all the family. It is all about having your kids eat tasty food that you all want to eat from really early on which just has to be the way to go.. I think from the time you get pregnant there is almost an industry out there trying to scare you away from food.. In the doctors surgery on friday I read a pharmaton pamhlet which exorted pregnant women not to eat fish, soft cheese etc etc whilst pregnant. The list of prohibited foods just gets longer and longer. It continues when the baby arrives and by 6 months you can be so scared of doing the wrong thing that it just seems easier to pick up a jar of bottled food as at least it is "safe" and "fortified". The result is children with bland palettes who will love processed food. Dont get me wrong, I dont grow my own veg and often skip over the organics section BUT at the same time I do believe in giving my kids the same food as us- and just making sure that food is healthy. My little boy (ok minor brag here) loves mussels, prawns, white fish and all that other stuff two year olds arent meant to like. Am quite sure the reason is that pretty early on Annabel Karmel got on my nerves (think it is the perfect blond hair and smug smile) and I could not be bothered with pureeing everything till kingdom come. Am really glad I have found this site- hope the rest of you like it too!

A Real Hallowen Fright!!

2009-10-31T13:46:00.000-07:00

Just been reading this weekend's FT (http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/6360522e-c20a-11de-be3a-00144feab49a.html) and have only just realised how completely and utterly screwed we are as a country. Now I know that sounds ridiculous as it has not been possible to turn on the radio/ read the paper without all the doom and gloom beating down on top of you like giant crashing waves... but still being all postive an all I thought things might be rough for a while but sure twill all be grand. I was so very, very wrong and the rose tinted glasses are now well and truly off.
The article depicts in 1 pound pieces the amount borrowed per country, per person, per week.
Here are the figures;
Sweden £17
Switzerland £11
France £35
UK £56
US £58
Ireland £71
- £71!!!! Per person, per week?!? Now in my little head I had thought Iceland were worse off then us but clearly nothing to be smug about there.
I had been worried about the budget but now I am kinda terrified... terrified that they are going to make serious cuts but even more scared that they might not?
Ireland £71, ?? So how can the goverment keep giving me 41.50 euros for my two children each week and be borrowing £71 per child per week at the same time? It really has me worried, how will our kids ever get out from under this kind of debt? And the fact that the incompetent feckers who got us into this position in the first place are now being tasked with getting us out of it makes it all the more frightening. Now thats a scary bedtime story that will be keeping us up at night....

I spy with my little eye....

2009-10-25T11:53:00.000-07:00

Just back from spending a weekend away with old friends. It was lovely for many reasons not least the chance to observe in close proximity how someone else manages a household of 1 husband and 3 small children..Obviously you dont arrive at the door burden down with Barrys tea bags and announce you will be performing a time and motion study on how she manages that thing called "life" but all the same I couldn't resist not doing it... Let's face it no one really tells you how it all gets done and by "it" I mean, children fed and watered, clean clothes, knowing where the passports are and generally just having your act together. At some stage in your life (and I'm sure given that I am 35 married with 2 kids- it is around now) you are just meant to have your act together. I have yet to meet the woman in the playground who shouts out "Lads I havent the foggiest what I am doing here! Help me someone please".. were I of course ever to meet that woman I would take her home immediately, sit her in a comfy chair, feed her chocolates and stroke her hair (sigh, I wish).
So back to the 007 work.. it was fascinating to see someone else in action.. I could only look on in awe at the amount of home cooked meals that were produced and the levels of tidiness will keep me anxious for days... She gets an A+ on all this mothering malarkey.
My report card will def. be marked "must try harder in future".

Forest Schools...

2009-10-13T07:42:00.000-07:00

Fascinating article in The Times about Forest Schools in Scandinavia..
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/education/article6862016.ece
Basically they are "schools" for kids up the age of 6 which are held entirely in the forest... there are no desks, chairs- not even toilets! They wander around the forest and taught about nature/ seasons/ small animals etc.. and I just think it is such a great idea! My little boy would LOVE it!
Apparently they are out in all conditions- just wrapped up really well... could you imagine trying to get something like that started in Ireland?? The Health and Safety brigade would have a fit!
This morning on the way to montessori my little boy was fascinated by the seagulls on the football pitch.. and of course eventually I had to hurry him on so he wouldnt be late for montessori... I felt so guilty! Even though he loves montessori wouldnt it be great to have an outdoor school like that? Especially for boys??
PS Today I found myself buying a magazine which came with a free tea towel. Not only was I happy about this but I found myself admiring it as I took it out of the packaging. Is that the saddest thing or what?

Motherhood and the Law of Diminishing Returns

2009-10-07T04:48:00.000-07:00

As I changed my fifth dirty nappy of the day yesterday I found myself wondering about motherhood and wondering if at some stage the law of diminishing returns applied??
One of the few lectures I remember from college was the economics professor outlining the law of diminishg returns, he explained it thus, if you are starving and have one burger then its delicous, second burger still good, but by the time you get to your fifth or sixth burger what was once a good thing is now pretty awful..
Surely somewhere on the motherhood graph something similar applies? At what stage do you stop being a great mum who is really involved with her children and become a skivvy taken for granted by all? Think we all know those mothers who are barely acknowledged by their kids who display zero gratitude. And wives too for that matter.. So at what point do you turn from being giving and selfless to being a walk over?? And if only there was a neat little graph which could outline this for you so you would know at that point on the X axis you could just head off and do your own thing..
On a completely different note I have just finished a biography of Benjamin Franklin and it was completely brilliant! All he accomplished in his life would just put you to total shame.. I had no idea he invented the lightening rod, a stove, bi-focals etc.. as a side line while he founded the US. Am completely resolved to stop watching so much TV, he probably would have accomplished very little if he was at home glued to The Apprentice most nights...

Buddha sized hole??

2009-10-04T12:05:00.000-07:00

There was a very good article in the Irish Times yesterday on the Catholic Church by Breda O'Brien and how it fails to meet our need for practical spirituality http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/opinion/2009/1003/1224255780416.html
It just rang so very true. This morning I was at my granny's anniversary mass in the west of Ireland. She had a faith so strong it was like the Virgin Mary was an actual person, just one who happened to be in the other room. My mother is the same, she prays so hard it is like she almost believes she can will something to happen. And the next generation?? Nada- or very little at any rate.
Recently my sister and I discussed going on a retreat - I sent her a link to a Catholic sanctuary and she responded with a buddhist/ yoga retreat. The only suprise there really is that I even thought of going on a Catholic retreat, most of my friends would never even consider one.
But lately I have been feeling the lack, a spritual sort of hole and I dont think Buddha is going to fill it.

The Good Life

2009-10-03T12:52:00.000-07:00

I read another "good life" article in Red magazine yesterday... it seems the British press is inundated with articles written by women who previously wouldnt be seen dead out of their Jimmy Choos and are now only delighted to be feeding the pigs and growing organic veg with a ferverence previously reserved for pilates. And I have to confess I just dont get it.
You dont see that many articles on this in the Irish press and I think it must be because we are closer to the land and as such know how much bloody work it is for so little reward. In many of these articles there is little reference to EU grants and the price of grain. Which makes me wonder what do they live on really? I suspect it is an overworked hubbie commuting to the city or windfall from house equity.
But still I dont get it, it just seems such a reversal of fortune. As my mother often says she had to work hard to no longer be looking at the rear end of a cow swishing its tail on a twice daily basis. Apart from swapping my terraced red brick for a McMansion of which the country side seems littered I see no obvious advantage. In fact it seems a very lonely life - and hard work. You can hardly let a child walk/ cycle to school the roads are so bad... you have to drive them everywhere. If you want a pint of milk you have to get in your car and drive there.
I love living close to everything - for me the good life means being able to hop on a bus and being able to go to an exhibit, see an art house film or just sit in a cafe and watch the world go by.. It also means being able to walk to a playground/ library/ school and meeting people everywhere we go. Even just a 5 min chat can brighten your day. I must be out of sync with the rest of the world but the "good life" can wait ...but if I could have the McMansion in the meantime, well then that would be great :)

2009-10-01T09:14:00.000-07:00

I was out canvassing for a yes vote last night... (thats a yes to the Lisbon Treaty
http://www.lisbontreaty2009.ie/) It was absolutely frightening how many young people are voting no. And by young I mean students in college or just graduated... a typical response was " I know how I'm voting but I dont reallly want to tolk about it.." which is code for "I'm voting no but I dont have the courage of my convictions to have a conversation about it".
At the moment self esteem is all the rage when it comes to child rearing. Heaven forbid anything should happen to damage that precious self esteem. The result of 10 years of celtic tiger rearing?? A generation who think not only are they the centre of the universe but that Ireland is too.....When you try to explain to them that we are a small peripheral country on the edge of Europe they look at you with disbelief. They seem to think they are living just outside LA in their own personal episode of The Hills. Unfortunately for them I think this current recession/ depression may just be the thing to knock the stuffing out of them

First post!

2009-09-30T02:47:00.000-07:00

Oh no! I hear you cry not another mummy blog... have women nothing left to talk about other then diapers and children?? Well this my friends is different, because for one thing I am not a "mummy" but a mammy. An Irish mammy. A dublin northside Irish mammy in fact- and trust me you dont want to mess with a dublin northside mammy. We're hard. Dead hard.
So to prove my mammy credentials I am going to start by sharing my brown bread recipe.. this is the easiest, tastiest brown bread you will ever make- I promise!

Mammy's Brown Bread Recipe

This will make either 2 x 1 lb loaves or a 2 lb loaf
Ingredients
1 lb McDonnels X tra coarse wholemeal flour
Handful of Bran
Handful of Porridge/ Oatmeal
Tsp of Bicarbonate of Soda
Pinch of Salt
2 ozs of margarine
1 pint of buttermilk
Tbsp of Poppy seeds or Sesame seeds

1. Preheat gas oven to 5 (think that is 180 C) and grease tin (s) with a small amount of margarine
2.Mix all dry ingredients together ( I usually go heavy on the bran), apart from seeds
3. Rub in the margarine
4. Add buttermilk.
5. Mix well together and then pour into either the one 2 lb tin or the two 1 lb tins.
6. Sprinkle seeds on top and gently knife through the middle to make a crease.
7. Put in middle shelf of oven and leave for 45 mins..
8. When you take it out of the tin it can be nice to leave it covered with a tea towel for 5 mins to keep it moist.
And there you go - the easiest, tastiest brown bread recipe you could ever want!
PS this has been ripped off shamelessly from my MIL. Enjoy!